Have you seen the movie You've Got Mail? A movie back in the 90s, when AOL would said "You've got mail!" and actors, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, took over all movie screens. *Spoiler alert* It started with a typical 90s scenario. Boy and girl hate each other, but don’t know they are anonymously emailing each other. As each email arrives in their inbox they fall more in love without knowing who the other person behind the screen is. That was the start of online dating.
What the movie didn't anticipate was the art of swiping and answering unique questions that explains your personality while on your cellphone. Forget about the computer. Oh and making sure your height and lifestyles choices are noted as well. All Tom Hanks' and Meg Ryan's characters had to do is send emails and include some witty banter. Simple! Then they eventually realized who they were talking to and lived happily ever after.
I joined a few online dating apps. I won't deny, I've been single for a while and has it bothered me? No, not really. I've just been busy doing my own thing and I thought a guy would make it into that plan eventually. With moving to a new city and COVID-19, it made it extremely difficult to meet someone while out and about.
On my profiles, I did the typical girl thing…answered a few questions that would show my adventurous side with a twist of charm. Then added some of my best pictures: one profile and the rest of myself with a family member or on my trips. I knew the trip pictures were easy conversation starters when guys were swiping. Then of course add my height and other details.
As I swipe through the group of profiles that the app sent my way, I started seeing similar things and asked myself why does a guy think girls would swipe “yes” on this? For starters, the pictures selected. I saw the mirror selfie pictures, the shirtless at the gym pictures or the group pictures where you don’t know which guy it is. I noticed myself immediately swiping “no” because those pictures don’t tell me anything about you. If the first thing I see when I arrive at your profile is one of those kind of pictures… not happening. I know I’m not the only girl that thinks that way.
Another aspect that I noticed (at least on the paid one), I would set my filters with my age group and etc. You would think I would only hear from guys that are within the filters I set up. Nope! I received messages from older men and some sending first liners that made me feel uncomfortable. Also, I noticed my “top picks” were guys that definitely didn’t match my filters. This app felt like a dating disaster in the making and I couldn’t figure out how people really match with each other.
After all these apps and swiping I took back a few tips when it comes to online dating and building out that profile.
For the gals:
1. Be honest on your profile because if you don’t you will attract a guy that might not be wanting the same thing.
2. If a guy is posting photos of his parties days back from college, probably a sign that he isn’t growing up anytime soon and isn’t looking for anything serious.
3. BEING PICKY IS OK! I’ve been told that I’m sometimes too picky and honestly that isn’t a bad thing. If you know what you want than swipe on those guys.
4. If you are on apps like Bumble (where the girl has to message the guy first), a simple hi is all it takes or start a question based off their profile.. You don’t need to always use a pick-up line. I have a friend who uses “Heyy” with the wave emoji. She always gets a response.
5. Have fun with the questions because that’s where you can show personality and how you think. Gives the guy a glimpse of what he is in for if you go on a date.
For the boys:
1. Be honest about your height! Some guys don’t post their height or make a joke out of it/lie. Just own it because girls like an honest guy.
2. If you can start off a conversation by making the girl laugh then you’re golden. Weird pick-up lines don’t always do the trick.
3. Find photos that actually represent you. One friend photo is ok, but that first photo should be of you. Girls don’t like to play a guessing game. Use pictures showing your personality. Places you’ve traveled, family or photos that would start a good conversation.
At this point, I think I would been better off dating in 90s, where you actually had to go out and meet people. Simple! I went on a few dates here and there. After being on these dating apps for a few months, I decided to take a pause. Now, this doesn’t mean I won’t try it again, but right now just don’t have the time. Swiping left and right is like a job and it’s just exhausting. Who knows where my guy is right now, maybe he is on these dating app or I will meet him out and about. Who knows, but guess you will find out on social media if I do.